You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
