we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
