part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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