Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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