Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
