I just made out with a guy for $7.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
