I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
