There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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