dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future�
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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