It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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