he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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