On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
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