i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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