I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
