I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
When did angry sex become our thing?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
