So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
