I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
