I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
