...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
