Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
