Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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