He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
And then the night went full on bisexual.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
