just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
