I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
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