Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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