stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
You can't special order awesome
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
