All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
