a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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