Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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