would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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