You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
