the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
