and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Randomize
