he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
soo... how was my night?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
