just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Randomize
