Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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