i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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