Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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