I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
