he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
