she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
