You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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