New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
