And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
