So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
