i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
