I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
