Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
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