Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I checked into jail on foursquare
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
