I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
