you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
