you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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